To mark this event we will be sharing stories from our clients and our staff will be taking part in activities in and out of work to raise awareness. For our last day this is H’s story, who attended our Journey Beyond Abuse Course…..

I was in a relationship for over 20 years, I knew there were issues with the relationship, often things just didn’t feel ‘right’.  I’d look at other relationships and wonder why mine was so different.  It wasn’t until I was out of the relationship that I realised it was abuse.  Quite often in the media, abuse looks very obvious and not something that can happen very slowly over time.  If my relationship was abusive from the start then I never would have stayed.  

  The little niggles started over time and usually I was so busy with the children and everything else that I didn’t notice the red flags.  The more they got away with it the more they did it and by the end I couldn’t deal with it anymore, I didn’t know it was abuse but I knew I couldn’t deal with the lies and manipulation anymore.  I had tried to get out the relationship a number of times as I was unhappy, and this is when the gaslighting happened and I would end up having some sort of breakdown so that I couldn’t leave.

Now that I am out of the relationship, I can see the tactics that were built up over time and used to manipulate me.  I have completed a course that has helped me identify the behaviours and red flags to look out for in the future.  If you are reading this and you feel like something is not right in your relationship but you are not sure then speak to someone and find out, abuse comes in many forms and you might not be able to detect it for sure, too many partners get away with abusing people in slight ways so that it cannot be detected but there is help out there