To mark this event we will be sharing stories from our clients and our staff will be taking part in activities in and out of work to raise awareness. Here is a clients story…….

We met and it was amazing; I was swept off my feet.  We were together all the time and my life became consumed with him.  He wanted to know everything about me, every detail. We would talk for hours and he was so interested in me.  He asked me my deepest secrets, my fears, my insecurities and I told him it all because he wanted to look after me and protect me.  He stood up for me when my family weren’t very nice to me, he backed me up when my friends disagreed with me, he became my hero and the only person I could rely on.

Then it happened …. I had no one else but him.

I would dress up nicely for him and he would tell me I looked like a sl** and to dress more conservatively; I would go and change to please him. I would chat to his friends if we were out and then get home and be yelled at for flirting with his friends and making him look a fool. I would chat to friends on group chats on my phone but he would tell me that it was disrespectful not to be open and honest with him so I had to show him all my messages.  I would post pictures on social media of me and my son, or me and him but he would find issue with every picture and say I was doing it to attract attention.  I would put on perfume for a meal out but he would make me go and shower because “perfume was just worn by sl**s to attract men”.  I was working in a busy office but every night be questioned about who I spoke to and who I smiled at.  He used my fears and insecurities against me, made me believe that everything was my fault and made me feel useless and unworthy of anyone’s love.  He told me that I was boring and stupid and that no one else would be interested in me.  He said I was a bad mother.  He told me I was fat, I was lazy, I was nothing ….. it was constant and I believed him.

Eventually I became a shell of the person I was. I found it easier not to have conversations on my phone with friends. I didn’t go out unless it was with him and when I did I made sure I didn’t meet anyone’s eye or smile at or talk to a male.  I wore slightly baggy clothes that covered my body as he would throw away my clothes if they were fitted or too low cut. I f I needed anything new I would have to go shopping with him to choose and quite often that would be in the men’s section.  I wore less make up. I didn’t invite anyone to the house for fear of anyone knowing my life wasn’t perfect.  I gave up work and just stayed at home to make my life easier.  He would tell me I had to keep the house clean, but his clean was perfect and I would be screamed at if anything was out of place and made to redo everything if something was wrong.  I was only allowed to visit his family, so I had to sneakily visit my own family.  I would have a limited amount of money to food shop and most of the food had to be made for him when he was home and not eaten at any other time.  I had no money of my own and had to ask if I needed anything; I was told I couldn’t be trusted with money. 

The physical abuse happened only occasionally and much later in the relationship; I had my head jammed in a cupboard door because he didn’t like the fact that my shoes made me taller than him.  He grabbed me around the throat because I left clothes on the arm of a chair and didn’t apologise when he pointed it out.  He hit me across the back of the head because I talked to a male and I “was not allowed to speak to a man unless absolutely necessary”.   He drove erratically on the motorway whilst screaming at me because I was 10 minutes late to leave the house and kept spitting at me.  He took me to his friend’s wedding party and dragged me outside because I looked bored when he left me sat alone for over an hour with no one to talk to or no drink; then dragged me around the house when we got home whilst screaming what an embarrassment I was.  He pushed me out of the front door at 3am in the rain in my underwear because I was a wh*** for not being back on time from the school parents evening.

I felt completely alone.

This went on for years, until one day I stood up for my son when he turned on him.  I don’t know where it came from, but I answered back.  I started to stand up for myself and my son more and not back down.  He didn’t like it and would threaten me and intimidate me,  but I found strength from somewhere and stood my ground.  Eventually he realised he was losing control of me which is when he moved on and left me.

I struggled with the hurt and was bitter for a long time for the time he took away from me.  I am wiser now, possibly stronger, but years later this still effects my life and decisions I make.  I hope one day I can lose the insecurities and anxieties it has left me with.

But ….. I am smiling and I am happy now so I win.