To mark this event we will be sharing stories from our clients and our staff will be taking part in activities in and out of work to raise awareness. Here is a A’s story…..

An abusive relationship with my fiancé ended abruptly in July 2022, three weeks before we were due to get married.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to safely move on as the abuse manifested into harassment and stalking which continued for the next three months.

My first encounter with the police was due to my ex threatening to sue me and my family for ‘criminal damage, to high value items’ that he had left at my flat. The police asked if I was withholding any items, I wasn’t, my ex had left town and had tried to demand and dictate when he would receive them.  The police officer I spoke to seemed understanding and advised that we organize the pickup of his items.

The next time I spoke to the Police, I called them and two officers came to my flat and I reported the fact that despite saying he never wanted to speak to me/deal with me, my ex continued to harass me through friends, family and through his 7 year old son. The advice I was given was to change my number and email address, install security cameras, block any accounts on social media attached to my ex. The officers said that they would call my ex and warn him, that if he was to contact me again, he would be arrested. 7am the next day I received a call from the same officer saying that they had spoken to my ex, and he had understood the consequences. The officer assured me that they deal with people like him all of the time but to contact them if he gets in touch and to call 999 if he followed me in the car again.

Needless to say, my ex did not listen to the police, I received messages from him, and he was waiting for me on my way home from work and continued to drive past my house when I was leaving for work in the morning.

Over the next couple of months I spoke to a couple of police women who seemed determined to arrest my ex and I felt supported by the law, understood by the female officers that took charge of my witness statements and that I would be able to start healing from the relationship soon.

By the end of October, I received a phone call to say that my ex had been arrested.

I received a call later that day to be asked some questions about the abuse and then a final call from the police to outline the bail conditions and that he was not to contact me.

I was later contacted to say that the Police have passed this case to the Crown Prosecution service and asked if I would appear as a witness for the prosecution, I agreed although this was not something I was actively seeking but I thought it was important to stand up against my ex and tell the truth of our relationship.

Fast forward to February and I arrive at court through the witness area. Two police officers also attended to give evidence. At 2pm that afternoon, we were told that the case had been adjourned and I was asked if I wanted to appear as a witness at a later date. I wasn’t sure at first as the last 6 months I felt like I couldn’t move forward with my life, with the court case over my head, keeping my ex at the forefront of my mind and a constant reminder of his mistreatment of me. I later agreed to appear on July 17^th 2023 and I was confident that with two police officers also giving evidence, all of the anxiety, worry, and concern for my safety and mental health that we would be able to illustrate that my ex is not to be trusted or that any of his actions during and after my relationship with him and other women he has met were a deliberate choice to control, intimidate and manipulate the situation and myself.

July 17^th comes, and no police officers give evidence against my ex.  As the other witnesses did not turn up, I was told that they could not use the evidence (this later turned out to be false and it could have been used)

Having not heard from the police, I thought it was a good idea to follow up and I called 101 to complain, initially a very sympathetic sounding woman and then a swift follow up from someone higher up to tell me they were investigating the absence of the witnesses. I told them I felt let down. Again, I felt like I was listened to and that my experience was understood and taken seriously. What followed was very disappointing, I spoke again to the senior officer who said the evidence that the police had against my ex, wouldn’t have made a difference in his professional opinion. His tone had definitely changed.

The last time I spoke to the police, I didn’t receive an apology for the no show, but was told that they would ‘learn’ from this. This hurt, the supposed empathy I had thought existed between me and the police, evaporated completely.  I wasn’t supported at the crucial moment, and I still have questions and I wonder why the police stopped caring when they could have made the difference and if evidence was useful, why did the case get picked up by CPS. I was talked to by two police officers about an injunction I could petition for that in principle is the same as the bail conditions (my protection) but this would mean more court, more waiting

On reflection I don’t think I would have wanted to appear in court, it was a massively stressful situation and build up for myself and family. I would have preferred to pursue an injunction for peace of mind about my safety, but this was not an option.

What have I learned? If I find myself in another abusive relationship, I would still report everything that happens to me to the police.